Housework Forever, Crochet Whenever

No, not a typo. I wanted to write in defence of home making. over on Facebook I get tagged in shared memes all the time. Mostly they’re the kind that say “Crochet comes before housework for a reason” or similar. Apparently all knitters, crocheters and crafters are meant to put making before everything else. Housework, cleaning, cooking etc are secondary. Think of that sign you so often see hanging on the wall “Boring women have tidy houses” – well I’m coming out of the closet and saying I’m proud to be tidy.

On one level, these memes, shabby chic placards and posters might raise a smile, but at the same time I can’t help feeling that they are undermining the joy of home making. I don’t mean we should all live in  the showy, pristine homes you see on Instagram or in magazines (the kind where all traces of family life are removed and houseplants are artfully arranged to tumble over perfectly colour co-ordinated book shelves), but the kind of home where you feel welcome and would happily curl up your feet on the sofa with a cuppa and maybe a slice of cake. The chaos of family life is wonderful, there’s no shame in piles of unread post on the coffee tables, tumbling mountains of shoes, hats, coats and bags in the hallway. It’s OK to have unwashed dishes in the sink or an unmade bed. But, if you’re like me and find yourself indulging in a bit of gentle tidying as you go about your day and are happy doing so, why should other people feel the need to use terms like “homemaker” or “housewife” to make us feel small?

I enjoy the rituals of home making, the weekly meander from room to room watering my houseplants. I have about 30 at the moment, scattered around the house, not arranged in any particular order. Some in pretty pots, others standing in margarine tubs. There are a few prize specimens, but mostly they’re a motley collection of things that caught my eye, cutting from friends or presents from Mr T. If you have houseplants, they need to be looked after and there is a satisfaction in keeping them healthy, watching them thrive.

The same with book shelves. I dust them – because who wants to pull down a grubby book from the shelf – I like my books to smell like books, not accumulated dust! Floors are swept, because who wants to walk over a dirty floor in bare feet? Not me. The bathroom is clean – not spotless – but if I’m relaxing in the bath I don’t want to be distracted by cobwebs or tide marks (although it’s worth noting that bathing by candlelight disguises said cobwebs quite effectively).

Does it make me less of a good mother because there were days when I ironed clothes, did laundry or cleaned windows instead of playing with my daughter? Am I less creative because I like to tidy my desk before I sit down to write? If you come to visit and are served fresh coffee and home made cake it’s because I took the time to indulge in the joy of making a home, take pride in my surroundings and get satisfaction from picking garden flowers and arranging them in vases. I used to enjoy the daily ritual of tidying away toddler toys, plumping cushions (yes, I am a cushion plumper too – and no apologies), once my daughter was in bed, sitting in a tidy room , eating a home cooked meal, maybe drinking a glass of home made sloe gin and watching “rubbish telly” felt like a small victory in a challenging day.

You can mock the home maker all you like, keep tagging me in those memes or finding other ways to make me feel small and undermined because I am a home maker. But I tell you, for every woman posting pictures of her carefully curated home, fermented kimchi, gorgeous new kitchen, vintage sourced taps or pristine “creative space”  on Instagram, there is another woman (or man) behind the scenes, dusting, polishing, doing dishes carefully going about the business of creating a home – either that or they live in a hermetically sealed box where no kid is allowed to play with the train set, no husband is allowed to make a midnight snack and no dog poops in the garden!

Living a slower, simple life is about choosing your own path. There is no right way to live, no perfect recipe for a less complicated life. But what I do know is this; being surrounded by the people you love, making them happy and being made to feel valued and cherished leads to a more fulfilling day. If my day involves a slow bit of dusting, sweeping the floor, cleaning or baking and your doesn’t, that’s OK.

 

Interior shot credit: NHillier

Houseplants: Eddie Garcia